TO THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
I wasn't ready for us back then. I doubt I still am. Yet, I held you close, fearing that we wouldn't be able to bridge the gap between us. I was scared to take the next step but it was scarier to take a step back. To see that I had led you to a road I wasn't ready to walk on, with you. It isn't surprising that you found someone else to give you company.
Some nights, I wonder whether I was wrong. Maybe my fears were unfounded. I might have found my happiness with you. If only, I had faced my fears, it might have been me, on the other side of the cafe, sipping coffee and blushing.
I miss the feeling of your hugs, kisses and smiles. I miss having someone I could share everything with. You were my home away from home, and now you've made me destitute.
I know, it was my fault. I know, you braved on, and stuck those pieces together as I repeatedly broke your heart. Would it help you to know that I was beyond broken when I met you?
I feared giving you even a single piece of my heart for fear you'd break it. And yet, you ended up being my whole heart.
And this time, I broke my own heart.
Three years ago today.
That was the first time I saw her.
I was just walking down the street, headed to the local store for a couple of cigarettes.
'Hush, it will be okay. You'll be fine in no time. Here, here,' a voice whispered gently.
There was a strange melody in that voice. I usually don't care much for passersby, but this time, for a reason I can't remember, I turned. That was when I looked at her pretty face for the first time. As much as I hate to say it, I fell in love at first sight.
She was feeding an injured puppy a few biscuits and the animal was yapping excitedly. It almost seemed like she had erased all traces of the injury and pain from the creature's mind.
'Like she did to yours...' the voice in my head says, as I walk past the very same store, just minutes after discreetly attending her funeral.
YOU STILL LIVE ON, IN MY HEART
The coffee tastes bitter today.
Even though I drink it almost four times a day, I still don't know how to make that perfect cup.
Until the day I met you, I didn't even like coffee.
A lot of things have changed, since then. My evenings spent in solitude were replaced by our lively conversations, the bare walls of my room were filled with pictures of us doing crazy things together, and the introvert in me suddenly started going out to parties and clubs.
I walked past the florist's shop yesterday. You remember that one, right? You'd send me huge bouquets from there every day on my birthday month! He was closing the shop. No one wanted his services, anymore, he told me with a wan smile.
I tried to pick my pen up, today. It took a lot of courage. I couldn't even bear the sight of my work table, until yesterday. Somehow I convinced myself to enter into the office, our office, and pick up that silver pen. The one you gifted to me, on our fifth anniversary. We wrote a long ballad, that day. The story of our love, remember?
I looked at our initials, that you had etched into it. I stared at it, for a few seconds, until my tears made my vision blurry. I threw it down and ran out, sobbing. I just couldn't bear to look at those things, without you, to see them with me.
People keep telling me, every single day, that you're gone, and that I have to continue this facade. But how can I move on? How can I forget you, when you still live on?
I know it, so do you, but they dont.
You still live on, in my heart.